Swearing Is Just a Vice, Nothing More
The first thing to say is: swearing is just a vice, nothing more.
Once you enter the mindset of “when it’s needed, it’s needed,” every occasion becomes the right one to slip into foul language, even the most vulgar kind.
I haven’t always been as sensitive about this as I am now. For long periods of my life, I let myself be infected by the vice of unrefined language for trivial reasons of belonging—when I was young, but also later, due to the now established custom in certain circles of giving and accepting familiarity by calling each other ignoble nicknames, with the only rule being reciprocity.
Basically, it’s still like that: walking into a bar, if a friend ran up to you shouting, “Son of a bitch!” you might even hesitate: is he about to punch you or hug you affectionately?
The phrase could have at least two meanings: in the first, it’s literal, so better prepare for a fight; in the second, “son of a bitch” might require an alternative decoding and could even mean “my friend, it’s been ages since I saw you, come here for a hug.”
Or, if a girl confessed to her friend, “Last night, on my first date with Luca, we made love,” and the friend, with a big smile, commented, “What a slut!!” the first wouldn’t be offended at all because the hidden meaning of that unmistakable word isn’t condemnation; on the contrary, it could easily be paraphrased as “darling, I’m so happy/proud of you!”
If at work you approached a colleague and scolded him with “I caught you doing jack shit!” he might smile and reply, “fuck off,” or raise a middle finger. This applies even with superiors, though the irony should be more understandable in that case to avoid retaliation. But if you just observe the possible answer to a question like, “Guys, who can stay late tonight?” you’d easily find someone replying “fuck no,” “fuck you,” or just giving the finger.
We’re addicted, we’ve known it for a long time, and for most it’s not considered a problem, except in childhood education. Although, probably due to my greater sensitivity on the matter, it seems to me that the evolution isn’t leading us to eliminate swear words so our children won’t have to use them anymore, but surprisingly and firmly to their legalization, even differently from what was done on TV until not many years ago, loosening censorship, which went from playing a role as a guarantor of language progress to guardian of common morality, accepting that fewer and fewer people get offended if “fuck” or “fuck off” is said on TV, but many get outraged if homophobic, sexist, or racist messages pass.
In the end, a swear word is just the way we assert our feelings, positive or negative, if we don’t think it’s right to hold back emphasis, communicating our contempt or friendship in the most spontaneous way. Truth be told, in the first case, our thought is still quite commonly hidden to avoid too obvious and unwanted reactions, but in the second case, since we’re very familiar, we can exchange even heavy jokes (and sometimes they really are heavy) without offending each other and still caring for one another.
In many cases, it really is like that; in fact, we identify so much with the character that we can’t stop, and even worse, when we come across someone who doesn’t swear, doesn’t get heated, doesn’t expose themselves, we don’t recognize them as one of us.
We do this in other cases too, throughout life; for example, in attitudes toward alcohol, drugs… vices in general. “If someone doesn’t drink in company,” for example, “they’re either a thief or a spy.”
Life can sometimes be a series of social initiations similar to tribal rites, where we submit, more or less voluntarily, to violence, abuse, torture, and contamination, like blood pacts, the much-criticized bullying that, for many of us, was a second mother and a babysitter.
Even mafia kisses and unwanted handshakes, with limp, clammy hands, are initiations.
Every environment has rules, sometimes written, sometimes not—because it would be illegal—that force you to do something you wouldn’t do to be accepted, to be considered a club member, a brotherhood member, a real man, a friend.
It’s the same with language; it starts with dialect inflection because, if someone doesn’t speak like us, how can they be one of us?
Then come jargon, the ability to be understood quickly with catchy words, clichés, slogans, catchphrases… and here swear words become useful, highlighting the hot points of the conversation and emphasizing the concept, like a local, rustic, and recognizable seasoning for our always too bland topics.
Remember how much fun you had as kids with certain stupid jokes as soon as a swear word arrived? And the tongue twisters that forced you to say them? What laughs!
Swearing qualifies culture, intelligence, geographic area, social class, but with a cross-cutting reach that now touches all continents and all generations.
Typical slang expressions are born, with phrases used to feel young, or cool, or “in the know,” which often recycle outdated expressions or coin pretentious neologisms, acronyms, abbreviations, dubious Englishisms that supposedly work better than the official language, and, naturally, always new swear words, with a predictable cyclicity that reveals to those who live long enough their limits, their ordinariness, and, on the other hand, as Victor Hugo already noted two centuries ago, their close connection with the character of the people.
As a parent, with all due doubts about whether it’s a sensible strategy these days, I’ve become more strict with myself and less tolerant of those who can’t diversify their vocabulary according to interlocutors and environments, while many people live swearing as a way to express themselves freely, with more spontaneity and intellectual honesty.
I can’t deny how childish falsehoods they seem to me.
I’d even be ready to admit that those who speak without swearing are not immune to hypocrisy and gaffes, okay, but so what?
I’m a huge fan of those who can come up with synonyms for swear words and effectively explain an idea, bypassing the obstacle of a colorful expression everyone knows without using it.
There are parents less prudish than me, I realize, but if I have to think of an approach I’d want for my kids, if I’m able, I’d want to instill in them the ability to choose language depending on the case, just like with foreign languages. After all, everyone, young people included, considers it respectful to speak proper French to a French person and proper Russian to a Russian.
Why should anyone think I’d like being called “bro,” “dude,” or “uncle” without actually being one?
So, I’d try to pass on to my kids the idea that speaking well means being able to hold back a swear word, just as, as we evolved, we managed to hold back spits, burps, farts, and the whole series of vulgarities and beastliness that, due to bad manners, have characterized and still characterize our public behavior over the last 20,000 years—not out of conservatism or to create useless glass bubbles around them, wanting them to be actors in some Mulino Bianco or Little House on the Prairie commercial. I’d just want them fully aware that not only Vulcans address other Vulcans without swear words and are able to choose vocabulary based on the recipient and not because they don’t know others.
I really hope that, in a not-too-distant future, no one will be able to hide their social incompetence behind swearing or force others to be crude just to see them as “people like them.”
Above all, just as we stopped drinking and smoking, couldn’t we at least try a little and stop the ridiculous bad habit of swearing just because we don’t have better arguments?
Don’t you think we’d all come out looking better?
…Fuck’s sake